What You Don't Know...

Aside from the updates about Charlie Sheen , my favorite part of US Weekly magazine is the section entitled "25 Things You Don't Know About ( Insert Celebrity Name Here )".

I really liked Martha Stewart's. She told us that she enjoys rap, but specifically Eminem. She also informed us that she carries fresh lemons with her when she travels - because who doesn't? Oh yeah, and she used to trap muskrats as a child.

That Martha is one well-rounded chick.

All of this led me to think about what I would include in the column should they ask me about my 25 things. And just in case they do, here they are:

1. Most terrifying moment: Watching my mother "dance" with a grizzly bear on skates at a local skating rink. The things that journalists do to get their stories....
2. I hate the word "snack". Not when I say it, but when you do. And don't you dare tell me you're gonna "munch" on a "snack". Ugh.
3. I fiercely believe that people should not co-mingle grocery staples in a marriage. A girl who grows up on skim milk and wheat bread should marry a man of the same ilk. Should he favor whole milk and white bread....well, you're in trouble.
4. I love dance crazes. MC Hammer : Check. Roger Rabbit: Check. Soldier Boy: Check. Dougie: Check.
5. I hate alligators. I cannot emphasize this enough.
6. As a child, I wanted to be one of two things - A) an archaeologist and B) a marine biologist. Then I grew up, realized I hated school, I wanted enough money to pay my power bill, and that both required extensive time in the heat. Nevermind.
7. I've never admitted this outside my family and no offense to those of you who have them, but I really don't like black dogs. No reason. Just don't.
8. I once had a cat named Orangie In The Supermarket. Yes, you called him all four names.
9. I'm distrustful of people who don't eat mushrooms.
10. 7x8 still gets me every time. Here's looking at you, Dad!
11. I was in the Scripps Howard Alabama Spelling Bee in 1995. Losing word: languid.
12. I really enjoy Scrabble ( see #11 ).
13. I like asking the people at Taco Bell about the meat quality EVERY time I go. It evokes a classic response. And it makes my husband laugh until he cries, which is my real intent. Who cares about the meat!
14. I hate haunted houses, hayrides, and horror films.
15. I think chopsticks are useless in America. I believe in the addage of "when in Rome", and to me, Surin of Thailand is not REALLY in Thailand and therefore, I will use my fork, thank you very much.
16. I enjoy reading Shakespeare. It's good stuff.
17. I almost was arrested in Kindergarten for mail theft ( accomplice only...not actual perpetrator).
18. Adults who have obsessions with Mickey Mouse, or any character for that matter, freak me out.
19. I have two pair of glasses- one for "public" and one for "home". The "home" pair are so totally amazingly 1980's nerd that I just had to have them. I, for one, think I look smashing in them.
20. I roll my eyes a lot. Oh wait, you knew that?
21. Favorite Sandwich : Tomato with Mayonnaise, Salt, and Pepper!
22. I've already picked out where I'm retiring and I talk about it all the time, as if retirement is in the near future. Isle of Hope, Georgia, here I come!
23. I vehemently believe in the power of Karma.
24. Not once, but twice, I cut my bangs into spikes in the weeks leading up to Easter. Literal spikes. Nothing is more embarassing than taking communion and having the Priest look at you as if you are from another planet.
25. Some people like to be called "brilliant" or "beautiful". Me? I prefer "efficient".

Did you learn anything? Here's to hoping US Weekly gives me a call -- I'm ready!