Get On The Bus...

It’s been almost three months since my last post, and while I said I was fully and totally committing myself to blogging, I lied. I kind of have a real job and a house to clean, a dog to walk, and a husband to entertain. Who am I kidding…I don’t walk the dog and I doubt the Mr. finds my “musings" entertaining.

However, I could not let today pass without a post. It’s a Monday, yes, but not just any Monday. For many children, as I have learned from Facebook ( my source on children ), it’s also the first day of school, which brings me to share this sad, yet entirely true tale with you.

It’s 1988 and I’m pretty damn cute. But it was on this very day in that year that I learned being “cute” gets you absolutely nowhere in life, and it certainly doesn’t get you to school on time.

My Mother had put my hair in a side ponytail job and I was wearing a bright green shirt with a Coca Cola logo. I think I had on white shorts, but I know I was carrying a baby blue book satchel and I was some kind of excited as that yellow school bus rounded the corner to pick me up for school. I waited patiently...well, half patiently really.. as my family gathered on the porch to waive me off. I have always been fiercely independent ( thank God), but perhaps my parents often judged my independence for intelligence beyond my years. Who knows.

What I do know is that no one really took the time to discuss riding the bus with me. Ever.

So, as the bus pulled up to the big brick front of Daphne Elementary School and all of the other pint-sized monsters disembarked, I stayed behind. And since I was small, no one noticed. Not even the junior high kids who were still on the bus awaiting their turn to be dropped off down the street. Nope. No one said a word, and there I sat, pretty as a peach, in my own little world just waiting to go to school….when I damn well felt like it.

We get to the junior high and the remaining children disembark, leaving satchel-toting, side-ponytail wearing Emily behind. Just me and the yellow bus and no one else….not even the driver who scurried off to teach Algebra.

When they found me, they escorted me to the principal, whereby some strange fate I found my older stepsister who was starting junior high the same day. I sat on a barstool behind the school desk and when she walked in, wearing a blue sailor style dress, I balled.
I just thought you could ride until you felt like it and then ask them politely to take you to school. But, as I rode back to the elementary school in the junior high principal’s Cadillac, I realized I was wrong. And I felt as stupid as a kindergartner can feel.

I know now that the “Oh, Bless Her Hearts” must have abounded, and that surely my teacher thought I was certain to be the classroom village idiot. I know they called my Mama, who surely must’ve wondered herself why I would do such a thing. What she didn’t know is that that call would become the first of many she’d get about me

Moral? There’s not one really, except this.

Just because another school year had begun and another year has passed, don’t ever forget what it feels like to be a child on the first day of school. It’s magical and sweet, no matter where you end up.

Best Wife Ever Goes To.....

While the Mr. was traveling on Monday, I decided to delight him with a special
e-mail, to be opened upon his arrival in Hanover, Virginia. He got it alright. And he called as soon as he did. It went a little like this:

Mr: " I landed. Got the email. Total dork. "
Me: "Good. I'm not a dork. Did you even read it?"
Mr: ( Laughing, but trying to sound macho )" Um, yeah. You really have a lot of time on your hands when I'm away"
Me: "Maybe so."

And he's right. Maybe I do have too much time on my hands when he's away, but it's not like I spend it doing worthless things, like cleaning house or doing laundry. I instead choose to do productive and educational things, like sending the Mr. the email below:

Dear Jeffrey,

As your wife, I think it is one of my many duties, dutiful as I am, to keep you informed about exciting facts and trivial tidbits. You can think of me as your personal Trivial Pursuit, except edgier and more savvy for the business traveler, such as yourself. So, as you embark on your three day journey into northern Virginia, please allow me to inject some excitement into your life. Hold on to your seat....

Hanover is a place of rich history, chock full of names from my sixth grade history book. It's kinda boring stuff, but here's the important fact: they have one of the country's largest amusement parks, King's Dominion, located nearby. It was opened in 1975 and admission is reasonable. Not that you care...you'll be working.

There are a hell of a lot of white folks in Hanover, 88% to be exact. You'll find them at the amusement park, or at an NRA meeting. Hanover was named one of the country's most "conservative friendly" cities in the US in 2010. You should fit in well.

I tried to find someone interesting from Hanover, but came up empty handed. That is unless you are a NASCAR fan and have heard of the Grubb brothers who were forced to forfeit their titles due to drug abuse. Well there's them and Lucy Washington, Dolly Madison's sister. You know... Dolly was the First Lady who went on to great fame in the bakery business? Zingers?

As for dining, which I know will be one of the finer points of your day, I have chosen a few selections for your perusal. There is always the old Hanover Tavern, which according to Yahoo is a "good place to go get a drink and relax after work before you have to go home to the wife and kids". Apparently, all the history and amusement parks don't make for one big happy family in Hanover.

Another selection would be the Houndstooth Cafe, which judging from the picture looks utterly depressing. Someone said they have a good "derby pie", which I believe to be chocolate and not something you would choose. Plus, the parking lot was empty in all the pics I saw, which leads me to believe that the Houndstooth Cafe isn't something many people choose.

My final suggestion would be to stick close to the hotel and find a Subway. I didn't see that Hanover necessarily has a Subway, but you get my drift.

Nonetheless, I hope this has enlightened you and will enrich your experience in Virginia. You will be missed in Birmingham, but I am sure you will bring much joy to the people of Hanover, while your there doing whatever the hell it is you do.

Much Love, Your Wife

Yep, it's dorky, and yep, I have way too much time on my hands, but at least I know where I don't want to vacation this year.

Everybody's Working For The Weekend....

After an exhausting day off of work on Friday, during which I enjoyed a doctor's visit for a kidney infection, I have to say it was a pretty good weekend. Lord knows we needed it. I feel like we've been stuck on 80 mph for the past 6 months, so I have vowed to use the weekends for relaxation at least until the month of June. See how generous I am with myself?

Friday night we ate Chinese. That was the highlight. If that's not a sign the Mr. and I are getting old and boring, I don't know what is.

Oh wait...yes, I do. Our trip to Sam's Club on Saturday. The Mr. loves Sam's Club more than any place on earth. He wanted to go "look", which meant we bought staples like paper towels, charcoal, and laundry detergent. We almost got crazy and bought a yogurt/sorbet maker, but after we merrily strolled it around for 30 minutes, I declared that it would find the same fate as every other "specialty" appliance we have ever owned....we'd use it once and then it would end up underneath some cabinet, never to be used again. The Mr. was proud of my reasoning, although I sensed he was a little disappointed. He really likes "specialty" appliances.

Saturday night we did do something fun, and quite unexpected. We took our Mini, top down and all, to one of my favorite places in the world --- good ole' Tuscaloosa, Alabama. We ate dinner at DePalma's ( a fave of ours for years!) and then came home. It was so much fun and such a great way to end an otherwise uneventful Saturday!!

I slept late on Sunday - 7:30 - woo hoo. And then I did nothing. At all. All day. I decided to take my pajamas off before dinner....figured that was the polite thing to do. The Mr. made his world-famous BBQ for dinner and we watched a really bad movie -- Couples Retreat. I don't like movies to begin with, but bad ones make me want to scream. I refrained from screaming this time, and instead just slept.

And that brings us to today...another Monday. The Mr. is in Virginia for the week, so Rudy and I are holding down the fort....that, and working for the weekend!!! Lake Martin here we come!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Although I'm a day late ( imagine that! ), Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!
I spent the WHOLE day with my Mom, so top that all you "quick phone call" or "brunch" kids out there. The WHOLE day, starting with a pancake breakfast, and ending with a home-cooked meal, with a little golf and a movie thrown in for color. Yep, I'm officially the best child ever, although I didn't need Mother's Day to remind me of this. Here are some pics...enjoy!

Me and Madre

She loves Golf Carts. And apparently iced tea, too.

The Mr. and The Mother


This is my son. His name is Rudy. He is shorn.
He did NOTHING for Mother's Day for me.

We're Just Like You...Only We're A Nielsen Family

From time to time, I am taken aback by the Mr.'s reaction to things. For instance, he seems totally mesmerized by spices, especially the kind in tiny glass jars . Well, that and trashy reality shows like the Real Housewives of New York.

But today, however, he took it to a whole new level. Let me set the scene:

Two months ago we recieved a postcard in the mail stating that we had been selected as a "Nielsen family", and that additional information would be coming soon. I nearly tossed the card, not caring to participate in a mass research program regarding television, as watching TV isn't something I do much of. I was met with a response of "what are you thinking?", as the Mr. yanked the card from the trash and proceeded to explain to me what an immense and immeasurable honor it was to be a "Nielsen family". This was followed by his proclamation that he had "dreamed of this for years".

I know what y'all are thinking, but sadly, he was serious.

Two weeks later a large package arrived with even more information about becoming a "Nielsen family". To peak the interest of people like me, they even tossed in two crisp one dollar bills, just to show us that they meant business. As I stuffed the cash in a kitchen drawer, I once again thought to toss the package, but left it for the Mr., knowing he'd really never take the time to fill out the first Nielsen survey, which was included as a pre-req for continuing this little journey.

What the hell do I know? He did.
And then came today -- May 8, 2010.

"Nielsen" called the Mr. as he sped down Highway 280. Here's the convo:

Mr: "Yes, this is Mr. Jensen ( pause )..."Oh, Hi Claire!"

( At this point I'm waving my hands and mouthing expletives for him to simultaneously slow his speed, and tell me who the hell Claire was)

Mr: "I've been waiting for your call, Claire. We are so honored to become a part of the Nielsen family. "

( Oh, me? I'm just vomiting in the passenger seat at this point.)

Mr.: "Mmm..yes, we have three. Mmmm, yes DVR....Oh okay!!!....Umm, Yes.....Great, Claire. Sounds great."

( I'm staring out the window wondering what ole' Claire was thinking about this overzealous doofus on the other end of the phone. Was everyone this excited?)

Mr: "Well, this will be great. So, we just use the journals, and we get a cash incentive. How nice!"

(My sarcasm was ceasing..."cash incentive" is my middle name.)

Mr: " I'll be checking the mailbox for it. Thanks again for choosing us, Claire. We are really proud."



I was laughing outloud by the time the Mr. and his new lady friend, Claire, hung up. He was beaming ear to ear when he told me "we'd" be keeping TV journals and "we'd" get $35 for it. As I laughed, he asked me how much money I'd made today and then I reminded him that I had worked, and I felt certain it was more than 35 bucks.



For another 10 minutes I got the scoop on this "Nielsen family" we'd become a part of. I was also instructed to keep our family TV journal in the basket on the coffee table "with a pen next to it at all times". Sure. I'll get right on that. Does this clan also have meetings at their compound in the woods?



I haven't broken the news to him yet, but while he's planning for this year's holiday card to say "Merry Christmas from The Jensen's, A Nielsen Family", I just read that we are one of over a million families to be included.

It's gonna be a long weekend.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I don't even know what Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of, but hope you've enjoyed it in the traditional sense -- sombreros, margaritas, mariachi bands, and well, cheese dip.

I just got home from work -- yes, at almost 11pm. Nothing like a 15 hour day to get a girl pumped up about being back at 7:00 am tomorrow.

The Mr. enjoyed this "holiday" alone-- drinking Coors and eating an assortment of frozen delicacies, the likes of which aren't really meant for dinner, although they were really a hit with him. This is where men are different...but that's another blog for another day.

I'm off to bed. Buenos noches mi amigos!

Okay, I'm Really Gonna Do This....

It was 80 days ago exactly when I wrote my last blog, which means many of you have probably forgotten altogether that I even had a blog....to be quite honest, I kinda had, too.



But I'm back kids, and with a vengeance. I'm really gonna do this this time.



Lots has happened in 80 days -- some good, some bad, and some just plain ugly, but that's life. I realized recently that I was in fact an adult now, with "big kid" problems, many of which are timely, expensive, and miserable to handle. Growing up is hard...but I guess I'm getting my dose now since I never had one of those traumatic teenage existences, replete with acne and prom dates gone awry. Life was good then, and ultimately, I guess it still is now.



So, what has happened in 80 days? Here's the brief list...



1. Every single woman I know found out she was pregnant, which means I have spent countless hours cooing over sonogram pictures which are so incredibly hard to figure out. This figure does not include me, which is good, but many congrats and much love to all those it does include. Now how's that for happy news?

2. We rented my old house to a great family who seems to be enjoying their new pad. The catch? We had about 3 days to move everything out of the place, and in case you weren't aware, we have lots of stuff, most of which was hiding in the depths of our basement. Now it hides on, around, and underneath our pool table which suits me fine. I never liked the pool table anyway.

3. We undertook a major overhaul of several rooms in our new house, including new furniture ( some stolen from my Mother, but new to me! ), and painting and decorating. We needed to do it, but the deadline was this past Sunday because of a shower I was hosting. Had I known the power would go out in my house about 45 minutes into the shower, I would have done nothing. Who cares if your drapes and pillows match when your guests are sitting in the dark?

4. I spent countless hours, day in and day out, co-chairing the Books, Art, and Music section of the Junior League's Bargain Carousel. I like yard sales, and books, art, and music, so I figured I would love this. But, not so much. I'm just gonna leave it at that.

5. We found a snake, as large as a zoo specimen, in our back yard. This really didn't eat up much of my time in the last 80 days, say maybe an hour tops, but I include it for effect.

6. My Mom's house flooded, thanks to a washing machine line disaster. Nothing says fun like ankle deep water surrounding everything you own!

7. Oh yeah, and Rudy got his first professional haircut, leaving him looking like an oddity from a clan of miniature lambs. Again, this only took a second of my time, but it's been a little traumatic on the entire Jensen household. It's like we took in an old mop, and came out with a spindly-legged baby lamb, resembling nothing of the Rudy we know. Counseling is helping, thanks for asking.



So, that's the quick and dirty on the last 80 days....not as much fun as Mr. Verne's version of traveling around the world, but that's just life!

Snow

It's been well over a month since my last blog post, but I was so overwhelmed by the Tide's big win, followed by the Saints victory, that I have been too excited to post!

I wish....

In all honesty, the last month has been a storm of excitement of a different kind---the kind no one wants, like car accidents (yes, plural ), water main leaks, real estate contracts gone awry, and the flu. I suppose the flu was the highlight...it was just "regular" and not "swine", so that was a good thing, as my friend Martha would say.

None of ya'll wanted to read about that anyway, so consider it a gift.

But now it's snowing and my sweet pup Rudy just loves it. I love it, too, because it meant a half day at work, followed by the President's Day holiday on Monday...it's kinda like a four-day weekend, if your into a "stretch".

The downside of the snow is our new driveway, which is simultaneously long and steep. I heard several "Whatcha gonna do when it snows?" comments from folks when they first saw the house, and well, I just rolled my eyes. What did they know? Who worries about that?

Hello today.

There's no getting down the driveway...not in a car, not on foot. So, my Mini sits perched at the top as we speak, and I consider myself lucky to be inside because my "trip" down was quite remarkable. Purse in one hand and McDonald's in the other, I set out on foot, sans shoes. Within ten feet I realized it was a disaster waiting to happen. There were two options. I could go back to the car and sit, or just sit down right there and slide on down to homebase.

I chose the latter. My feet are still like ice blocks, my McDonalds was lost somewhere halfway, and the pants I wore to work, well, there not exactly "professional" any longer.

Stay warm, enjoy the snow, or whatever, and enjoy the pics.

You got it...that long black patch...I was there.

The car's at the top...it was a long way down.

He should be in a dog show...well, maybe not.

Sparky, We're Not In Bama Any More....

So, we made it to LA for the National Championship game after, thankfully, an uneventful journey from down South. The plane was loaded with crimson and houndstooth and well, it was just plain exciting.

The Mr. looked at me in Atlanta and said, "You do realize we are going to California for a football game, right?".
Well hell yes I knew that...did you think I spent all those countless hours in the cold, hoisting tents and toting TVs' to Tuscaloosa to NOT come all this way for a football game? I guess it is a little absurd, when you think about it, but not nearly as absurd to me as the things we did back home just to "go" to a football game.

I digress...

So, at LAX, after grabbing our bags and being shuttled to the rental car company, we picked out the perfect car for our sunny California journey...a silver Dodge Charger, which we decked out with Bama flags on the windows and a "Sweet Home Alabama" magnet on the side. Now if that's not redneck, I don't know what is.

It was about then that I realized we were a long way from home because the nice Mexican man who let us out of the parking lot had never heard the term "Roll Tide", and seemed utterly confused as to what the hell we were doing with all that red paraphernelia on the car.

Then I noticed Ryan Seacrest on a billboard, advertising his radio show, and realized that Rick and Bubba were no match for this place. ( For the record, I cannot stand Rick and Bubba)
After an hour in LA traffic, we were on to the hotel where a slew of Bama fans were waiting in the lobby. It was like a homecoming...total strangers just talking up a storm and well, just being plain old friendly, the way we do it down South.

The Mr. inquired about a good place for dinner from the concierge and was directed to an "Armenian Chicken" restaurant. Honestly, I haven't a clue where Armenia is and with that said, I'm not about to eat chicken from there. Yep, if it ain't Popeye's, Sparky, we're not in Bama any more.

The Mr. and I opted for a long drive instead of dinner, and ended up on Hollywood Blvd., followed by the Sunset Strip. And while I'm no movie buff, I have to say, I was blown away when we stopped at a red light facing the gates of Paramount Pictures!

By this time, the Mr. was hungry, and therefore incredibly unpleasant, so he stated that we should eat at the Denny's ( yes, Denny's) on Sunset, just so we could say we had. I can't honestly say that's something to be proud of, given that the only other Denny's I have eaten at was on the Beltline in glorious Mobile, Alabama....I mean it's not like we travel the world looking for Denny's.

I declined, but as we passed, we noticed the Denny's was closed and a movie was being shot inside. The production trailers and lights were booming, and with the back door opened on one, I saw someone having their hair and make-up done. Yep, this ain't Bama....nobody at Denny's where we're from even wears make-up.

So, no pics this morning, it's only 6:30 here and I have been awake for two hours. I'll blame it on the time change, but I have to say, I'm also just silly excited. We may be a long way from home, but it's gonna be a good day for the Bama nation...I just feel it.

ROLL TIDE ROLL!