The Grammar Nazi ( a.k.a. Mother )

Mothers are wonderful. They do all kinds of things for you that you know they wouldn't really care to do if they hadn't birthed you. They clean stuff, mend stuff, bake cakes, and... oh wait...just kidding. That's what maids are for!

My mother has dabbled in those activities, but her favorite thing to do for me is correct my grammar. It's just how she shows love. She's a "wordy" kind of gal, which may explain why I could read at three and never studied for a vocabulary test once in my life.

Spelling test? Make a "B"? Never happened. In fact, we had a semi-standing agreement that if she forgot to sign my spelling study sheet on Thursday night before the test on Friday, I could just forge her name. Of course the forgery didn't stop there. It's the whole "give an inch, take a mile" thing.

But grammar, the bain of my existence, well, that was a different story. Lay versus lie? Still can't get it right. Comma placement? Umm, no clue. When to hyphenate? Who cares?!

I'll tell you who cares...she does. I know she does because she just called to say hello, make small talk for a brief second, and then let the grammar parade take to the streets . My last post was chock full of errors. I apologize. I hope you all enjoyed it just the same. She could not understand why in God's name I did not hyphenate "three inch" heels. Why in the world would I use the "%" sign as opposed to spelling out the actual word?

In fact, she is now a follower on my blog. Her name: "Ms. Gramma Check".

Cute. Real, real cute. Is that a play on words smarty pants? Oh wait, that's called a "pun" in literary terms.

Pardon me. Or as she likes to say, "Edit, edit".

Roll Tide Roll

Football season is upon us. Yeah! Kinda.

I like the idea of football season, but in actuality, it is really an arduous task for me. First of all, I went to Alabama and in case you hadn't heard, football is kind of a big deal there. Which also means being there, in Bryant-Denny with your little red and white shaker is, too. And so is the all important game day fashion, which has eluded me lately. By the time Saturday rolls around, the thought of dressing up in my newest frock and wearing three inch red crocodile heels just exhausts me. I do it Monday through Friday and well, it's hellish. I wore jeans to Tuscaloosa yesterday...JEANS!

Why you ask? Well, it was the start of a new tradition in the Jensen household - big time tailgating...I mean generator, flat screen TV, and the damn Weber grill tied to the back of the car. Let me illustrate...



Perhaps you have noticed that it is dark outside in this photograph. That's because it was 5:45 in the morning..on a Saturday...and on a day in which our local weatherman called for a 90% chance of rain. So, on the off chance we might luck out with the 10% chance of decent weather, the Mr. spent 24 hours prior to this photograph packing tupperware containers, pattying hamburgers, tearing the TV off my bedroom wall, and then tying it to the back of our car on a newly purchased tailgate apparatus for the drive to Tuscaloosa. And as you can see, he had company in this mission below.



And boy were they proud. She's pretty happy, too. I mean she even has "Big Al" cookies for us at 7:15 in the morning.



Notice I am not to be found on this scene. Why? Because I was a) wearing jeans, b) wearing glasses, and c) just counting down the minutes until we uncorked the champagne for Mimosas. That was going to be the highlight for me, I just knew it.

So we get to Tuscaloosa, find a great place to tailgate, which is now officially "ours" until the end of time according to the Mr., and then we proceed to unpack. It all spills out of the car with ease and we have little trouble making this year long dream a reality. We ate , I got sleepy, made the Mr. turn on the car so I could have air conditioning, and then I napped. Only to be awakened by what? A torrential rain. Imagine that? We didn't score on the 10% off chance this would not happen. This is the Mr. after said event:



Yep. Soaking wet and apparently confused by his beer.

Once the rain stopped the humidity set in and it was a little sauna-esque. I changed into dry clothes...(you didn't really think I was wearing jeans did you?) and trudged to the game with a roll of paper towels in my purse. I was not about to sit on a wet stadium seat, nor was my purse going to do the same. I probably looked a little silly drying off everything around me, but well, it's certainly not the first time.

We made it back afterwards, took everything down, dried it off, and packed it all back into "Big Red" for the ride home. For some reason I always have to drive us home, which is a real treat. For there are always two backseat drivers telling me exactly how they would be driving if they were in command. Of course, I don't listen and instead turn the heat on full blast and roast them until they shut up. It's a favorite trick.

Nesxt stop: Homecoming Game against South Carolina. Ya'll come on down if you want. We'll be the ones at Bryant and Sixth at about, oh , 4:30 in the morning.

Musings on Labor Day

I don't really get Labor Day. It's kinda silly, but I'm not complaining. I'm a banker after all and we take all the silly holidays...umm, Columbus Day? But like I said...I'm not complaining.

So the long weekend was a good one. Friday night we had my Dad and Lyn in town to get ready for Laura's party. Saturday was all party, all day long. And yesterday, was just plain fun. The Mr. and I enjoyed a nice lunch, followed by shopping, and more shopping, and then being lazy at home. For him, this meant scrutinizing the Bama game one more time thanks to DVR, and for me, it meant breaking out the monogramming machine and my new sewing machine to get started on something exciting...what that is, I'm not sure.

Today, my Mom and I spent some time running the thrift/antiques circuit and listing out latest treasures on Ebay, which really is my ABSOLUTE favorite thing in the world to do. This was followed by more sewing and monogramming, and now, this.
The Mr. leaves very soon( try 6 hours from now) for a week of work in Charlotte, NC, followed by two more weeks away. I hate this part...

So, I'll be here, just doing what I do..but I'll keep you posted!!!

Laura's Surprise 40th Party

My sister turned 40 today and we celebrated with a surprise party last night, Mexican style!!! She's getting old, that girl...

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Sister!!!

The Best Laid Plans...

Yes, it's true, the best laid plans of mice and men oft do go astray.

It has been a week since I last blogged and while my intentions ( the "best laid plan" part) have been to be a frequent updater, brimming with fun and new things, life just hasn't worked out that way ( the "astray" part). It's been a busy week to say the least, so here's an update since last Tuesday:

- Last Tuesday sucked. See previous entry.

-Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday followed suit. I was sick most of those days, but trudged through the work week until one o'clock on Friday when I could take no more. I came home, made my own chicken noodle soup, and soothed my soul with a few helpings while watching Judge Hatchett in my room. When I say I made my own soup, I mean I really made it, like from scratch. Not my "good" Paula Deen recipe ( mouth watering yet, Jensen?), but more like something my Mom would have made and tried to pass off as "real" soup ( broth, can of peas, egg noodles, and a boat load of pepper).

- Saturday I felt better. Good enough to go to the driving range with the Mr. and hit a few golf balls. Only a few though, as my athletic streak was short-lived (big surprise there)and the heat made me succumb to my normal antics. That means complaining that it's hot, describing every inch of misery to the Mr., and well, acting like a seven year old. He's used to it.

-On Sunday I slept late...nine o'clock. Whoa. And then I decided to clean out a closet, which is always a big mistake when you have company coming in just a few days. I can't ever seem to "organize" ( i.e. throw it all back in the closet) in the same way. The highlight of the day was the Mr. making homemade French Onion Soup which was divine. Apparently the Jensen's are some soup lovers.

-Monday came and went like all Mondays do. However, I will add that this Monday seemed to last a lot longer than most. Perhaps it was the 12 hour workday? Or the fact that I decided to bathe Bitsy at midnight? Or the maybe I was still tired from all that cleaning out I did on Sunday?

And here we are, another Tuesday. My Wii is still broken, my husband collected a piece of crappy furniture from our even crappier old neighbor which is now in my guest bedroom, and to top it all off, I have to do it all over again tomorrow.

Next post: Something Shiny and Fun, but potentially fictional...:)

The Little Things...

People often say it's the little things that matter. I think they're referring to little things like hugs and kisses, sunshine and teddy bears. You know, the good things ( well, sorta...I personally cannot stand stuffed animals).

I like to think it's the little things that will turn a perfectly lovely Tuesday into a living hell. But that's just me...I'm a little more "glass half empty".

So, I get up this morning and rush off to an incredibly long-winded meeting at work, which lasts just short of 4 hours. This is followed by another "one-on-one" meeting with my boss in which we discuss, well nothing exciting, unless of course you like balance sheets and human resources. I leave there and head straight to the office with no lunch, only to spend the remainder of the day entertaining some recent college grad who is interning at the bank. Small talk sucks.

By 3:00, I want to eat my arm ( no lunch, remember), so I run out for a quick bite...egg salad sandwich. Of course, there is absolutely no time to eat at a table or while stopped, must eat on the go and make the most of my 10 minute respite from the office. So, I pull back into my parking place, chomping down on the last bite of my sandwich, only to find that half of the egg salad is on my brand-new navy blue suit, purchased just yesterday. And when I say all over, I mean buttons are covered and the sleeve looks like a bottle of mustard. Lovely.

I make the most of the situation and run back in to finish my gig and behold!...a package arrives. And it's for me!!
I knew all along what it was, but having the mailman drop something in your hands never gets old. I opened it slowly to reveal my new Wii game, Wii Active. Allegedly, it's the best and most fun workout ever, so I thought I'd get it and see. At last, a highlight to the day!!
I come home, change clothes, run an errand or two, and come back home with excitement comparable to a kid on Chirstmas morning. I break open the package, get help from the Mr. turning on the TV ( I mean I know how to turn on a TV...it's all that "Input" business and "Video 1" that always gets me), and hit power on my Wii.

And guess what? Nothing happens.
Is it plugged in? Yes.
Is it brand spanking new? Yes.
Should it work? Abso-freakin-lutely.

But it doesn't. It's dead. So, I stomp off and cry...yes, I really did. Why? Because it was just one "little thing" that pushed this girl over the edge.

Move over sunshine, the clouds are rolling in....

You Can't Take Us Anywhere...

What a great weekend!!! I came home Friday night at 6:00 and was asleep by 7:30. Now that's the start to something exciting if ever there was.
On Saturday, the Mr. got his third birthday cake of the week. Yes, his third. My sweet Mama baked him a Carrot Cake on his "real" birthday and on Saturday night after dinner and drinks at The Club, sweet Anne invited us over for yet another birthday cake for the Mr...this time it was Red Velvet....and good!!
Back to the whole title of this post....yeah, so you really can't take the four of us (Anne, Cory, Mr. and Me) anywhere. The pictures tell the story better than I.



It always starts out this way...



It only takes one "prom" pic to change the course of the night...



This was their "Just Married" pic. We had just finished discussing Anne and Jeff's one ( and only) date. A classic story..



Nothing says "Thug Life" like two white girls in the back of a Mini Cooper wearing a LaCoste hat and a Masters hat. Nothing I tell you.



The Mr. takes a view of the City of Birmingham. Lots of police lights.



Sometimes I just do things like this...just sometimes.



And this...



Japanese tourist, meet Anne. Welcome to America.



We can act civilized when necessary...but then and only then.



Happy Birthday, Jeff...AGAIN!!

So, it gets better. On Sunday we visited with our friends John and Amanda to celebrate her 28th birthday as well. And what does he get? His name on her cake,too. Four cakes is enough. I love the Mr., but let's move on to another holiday already.

Like MY Birthday!

Two Posts In One Night..I Can't Resist

I am really not much of a television watcher as many of you know. Although I do occasionally delight in a few highly educational shows such as "Kendra" and "Megan Wants A Millionaire".

However, show me an informercial and I am hooked. I mean this is, after all, my second posting about infomercials.

I have a new favorite.


Thank you Time Life.

I can't take my eyes off Tammy Wynette's coral dress as she sings
"D-I-V-O-R-C-E". Or maybe it's the hair. Or is it the dress? It's just so much to take in.

And when Johnny sings "Folson Prison Blues", I swear I hear that train a'coming.

Lord, don't get me started on Loretta Lynn. The minute she hits a high note I'm transported to a kitchen table where I'm chain smoking Marlboro Reds, watching the clock and waiting for the Mr. to come home with whiskey on his breath.

Thank God these selections are only available for a limited time, because I'd be in big trouble.

Today I Learned The Following....

1. Mini Cooper drivers of the world have a secret club, into which you cannot be inducted until you, too, drive one of "their" cars.
Today I am driving around town, minding my own business, when I start to realize that there are people on both sides of me, inside their cars, waving hysterically.I just smiled. I don't deal in "strangers".
They drive off and it occurs to me that they are in a Mini Cooper, too, and apparently when you see another Mini, you wave. Hysterically.
So, I come home tonight, after this having occured once again on the ride home, and out of nowhere, the Mr. asks me if I am aware of this phenomenon. I was stunned, for it had happened to him, too. More than once, and as always, hysterically. He likes it. He's just that kind of guy. Not I. My hands are firmly planted at "10" and "2".

2. Bernie Madoff, my favorite little Ponzi schemer, attended my alma mater during his freshman year of college. I'm probably the last to know this, but I am totally intrigued by this fact. Other notable alums: Timothy Leary of 1960's counterculture fame, me, and Joseph Warrington.
Don't know him? Why he's none other than the President of Waterville, USA in lovely Gulf Shores, Alabama. And while his name does appear on Wikipedia in the notable alumni section, I feel certain he added it himself.
Screamin'Demon, here I come!! (http://www.watervilleusa.com)

Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay

The Mr. and I are back from a long weekend with the fam on the Bay. I'll let the pictures do the talking....


Dinner...BBQ


My nieces, Molly and Lauren, feeding the birds...and apparently eating their treats as well.


Watching the sun set on Mobile Bay....heaven on Earth.


The whole reason we were there...my Grandmother's 85th birthday. Boy, was she surprised!


The little darlings heading in for breakfast.


So cute...even at 6:30 in the morning. I was the adult supervision on the water while everyone else slept.


I learned from my 9 year old niece that "no party is complete without crazy straws". Jeff's party was complete...


Can't read the writing? Happy Birthday, Jeff!!! I think??!!


Surprise!!!


My beautiful sister, Laura, and my niece, Molly.


It just doesn't get any better...


The Mr. testing out his new clubs, a birthday gift from me. Of course, I forgot the golf balls, which is like giving a kid a train without batteries. Pine cones, might I add, make wonderful "golf" balls.


The party planner, Molly, and her favorite aunt and uncle!!


I'm pretty much a big fan of this kid....

It was a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Well, there was this one little incident that could've easily spoiled it all, but thanks to the kindness of strangers, we only swam the boat in for 45 minutes from the middle of the Bay. Otherwise, we'd still be pulling that thing to shore. It wasn't funny at the time, but the video is priceless. That's right...the video. Because while some of us used our life jackets as harnesses and scissor kicked towards land, my sister, the Spielberg of the Cone family, took a video.

Hey Laura...Really?

My, Oh My, What A Wonderful Day!!

I won!!!!! A car!!!!

To say it has been an exciting day would be a total lie. This day has been beyond amazing....ranking right up there with the only other day I remember in my life where I smiled so much my face hurt.

So here I am with my brand new 2009 Mini Cooper Convertible in Sparkling Silver!!

The Regions magnets and balloons are gone, although it was suggested I leave the magnets on to promote brand image. Thanks, but no thanks.

I'm not vain, but damn , I look good in that car.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

It's 4 am and I have been awake for two hours now, doing my best to keep quiet so that the Mr. and our darling little Rudy puppy can get their rest. I hate being quite, and moreover, I hate not being able to sleep.
It's funny what goes on in the middle of the night that you would miss if say, oh, you were sleeping like a normal person. The sounds the Mr. makes can be ferocious. The informercials are amazing...like really good ones you don't see during waking hours. I like to start on Channel 2 and go straight on through to 60-whatever and just count. And laugh. Tonight's favorite: Out Of Your Life Jewelry. Got some old earrings from a boyfriend? An engagement ring or two? Well get them out of your life and earn some extra cash for things you really want like a vacation to Tahiti. ( My version of actual commentary, but might I say, very engaging)
That's not what I would pick, but the girl in the commercial did. And with each piece of jewelry she dropped into the pre-paid envelope, she reminisced about Billy and Timmy, and on and on and on. Let me tell you, that was one busy girl with all that jewelry.
So, why can't I sleep? Well, I equate it to the same feeling I would get on the last night of summer just before I slipped on that lovely Saint Mary's uniform and trotted off for another year of school. I'm just plain excited about life this week. That's all. And that's a good thing. For I would much rather lay here next to the snoring Mr., watching informercials, and stalking Facebook than to be laying here worrying.
Good night...or rather, good morning, ya'll!

TGIF...Kinda

To say it's been an interesting week would be a total underestimate. Let's see..where do I begin?

Well, the good stuff first...I found out that I am one of three people in my entire company who will find out next Wednesday if they are the winner of a 2009 Mini Cooper Convertible. That was cool. Although, I am a little unsure of how the final decision shakes down....are they going to make me play some "Price Is Right" Style Game in front of the CEO of Regions? Dear Lord, please say no. I am praying they just make me pick a key and see if it fits the ignition. That's more my speed...except I run the risk of setting off the car alarm or turning on the wipers...on second thought, maybe I'll take the game.

The second most exciting part of my week....Mexicans!! They are everywhere in my world right now....clearing brush, paintng the interior and exterior of the "other" house ( it's like our ugly stepchild....but not anymore!!, and doing other odd jobs as needed. It's been intriguing to say the least- especially our trip to Home Depot last night with their translator. No really, it happened, and I was there in the midst, using my limited Spanish vocabulary to interject as I felt necessary. It was all good 'til I started dropping in some French here and there and well, it just went from bad to worse. Six people in a Home Depot speaking three languages about five buckets of paint can get pretty damn confusing.

But now it's Friday, thank God, and I have the whole weekend to relax. Not.

Ode to Painting

I love home renovations. Love them. Kinda.

This is why I currently own two homes, one of which would classify for Section 8 housing, given the chance, and the other, well it's okay. I live there at least.

When I bought my little foreclosure special two years ago, it was bad. We spent countless hours priming and painting, ripping out carpet, installing new lights, and well, the list goes on and on and on. Now, I'm a pretty handy kinda girl ( I even have my own toolbox, thank you very much!), but the one thing I cannot stand is painting. The room for error is just too great...all that trim and windows....ahhh!!! And then the even harder part....picking out just the right color. That's why I am officially obsessed with these.....



Warm Caramel or Corn Silk? Chocolate Truffle or Winter Sage? Now you can pick without wasting an entire gallon ( which, by the way, I am a pro at ). I bought 5 tonight and boy you should see the Section 8 house....it's lit up a like a rainbow!

Glidden should hire me.

The Mr. and I Through The Years

I admit it...I am way too easily amused, which accounts for why I have spent the last two hours making this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTPKnDKwE1w

Yes, I know it is on YouTube, but hopefully I am unreceognizable...hopefully the perm, gold chains and flannel don't resemble me in the least?!!?

Oh, and the Growing Pains theme song, well, it might just be the best song ever

Why You Tube Makes Me Feel Better About My Day

Ok, I'll admit it...I am not the most technologically savvy person in the world. I just got a "cool" phone 6 weeks ago...like not the free one they give you when you sign a new cell phone contract. I have finally mastered the art of calling my Mother, which I do at least 63 times a day, and checking my email from abroad. Like talking and shopping, these things just don't come naturally to me, which brings me to the topic of YouTube. I abhorred it at first, which was quickly followed by a deep and unabiding concern that the now infamous "wedding singer" video I made would make it there in it's own due time and I'd be the girl that can't sing Madonna.


Yes, Aunt Kate, that's why you still don't have a copy. No one does. And the one existing copy is now locked in my safe box at the bank where only I can get to it.


But my friend Lee Ann and the Mr. LOVE You Tube and now apparently the man I thought was even less tech-savvy than me, my Dad, is onto it, too. He sent me this ( which you all have probably seen by now ) just yesterday....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0.


Can you imagine THESE people doing THAT?

Okay, maybe one or two of them would be down, but that excludes everyone wearing black in this picture. An accountant doing back flips? The Mr. with some soul? Not gonna happen.

So why does You Tube make me feel better after a day like today? Well, my friends, meet Scarlet...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIwTYL1fwJk

It's better Scarlet than the Material Girl.

Attempt Number Two Commences

Marge and Company....

Pete and Lee Ann Ahern and Us!!



Sheer Terror






Sheer Fun

The Airboat Ride

Razor Scooters...Fun At Any Age!

The Mr. and I

Welcome to blog number two... as you may recall , blog number one lasted all but one posting. In case you don't remember, it was my much heralded attempt at documenting my kitchen experiences, complete with a delicious Paula Deen style chicken pot pie, pictures and all. My kitchen experiences beyond that have been limited to washing dishes and sweeping floors, so I figured a fresh start was a must. No one wants the details of my Swiffer.

With so many friends and family spread all across the world ( we are such an international kind of family), the Mr. and I thought it would be fun to start a blog to share what's going on over here in Alabama. We just came back from a fun week with friends in Naples, Florida...yes, Naples, the retirement capital of the world. We lived like locals....eating dinner at 4:00, wearing tropical sun visors, playing shuffleboard, and oh yeah, holding alligators. It was a great week and so good to be with Lee Ann and Pete who we typically only see at Christmas.

Other than that, there is not much going on here. We are getting ready and excited about an upcoming long weekend at my favorite place in the world -- Point Clear, Alabama. We'll be there with the rest of the family to celebrate my Grandmother's 85th birthday. I am thrilled to be there to celebrate with her...she is absolutely the best...just ask her!

I'm off to pick up Chinese take out...the Mr. is in Charlotte this week and God knows I'm not gonna cook.

P.S.---Pictures were to follow, but clearly they led this posting....I haven't figured that out yet!!